When Jutsu Go Wrong
by Evil Chibi Krayon Plushie
Summary: When Orochimaru gets turned into a baby, who better to take care of him than Anko? However, she's not good with kids, so Iruka lends a hand.
1. How To Find a Baby

Author's notes: This is my first fanfic, so please be nice! Constructive criticism and advice would be greatly appreciated!

**Chapter 1: How to Find a Baby.**

The battle seemed as if it had lasted for hours, though it was really much less. Both fighters were exhausted, though neither would ever admit it. The usually spunky kunoichi glared murderously at her opponent, who smirked back, knowing it infuriated her. Anko quickly formed the seals for a jutsu, and launched another attack, which her opponent countered easily.

"My dear, you're simply no match for me, no matter what you try." The other ninja sneered. Despite all his boasts, he could not deny that even _his_ chakra was getting dangerously low. 'This ends now.' He thought, and began forming the seals for his own destructive jutsu. Anko saw it, and quickly hurled several kunai at her former teacher. He dodged it, but his former student's attack was not without effect. In his rush, the Sannin formed an incorrect seal, and his jutsu backfired with a puff of smoke and a loud bang. Anko coughed and shielded her eyes from the smoke, but once it cleared, she couldn't resist peeking at what she assumed would be the charred remains of her former sensei. Instead, the kunoichi was horrified to see a tiny form, whimpering in a heap of clothes. Orochimaru had transformed into a baby.

Anko first assumed that this was a trick. She looked around and found a rather long stick that had fallen during their battle. As the kunoichi peered around herself, she realized that a large part of the forest had fallen victim to their battle. Ignoring the damage, Anko poked the baby with the stick, none too gently. To her surprise, the baby let out a loud wail in protest. The younger ninja was completely taken aback.

'Is this some sort of trick?' She wondered as she scooted closer. The baby looked up at her with big teary eyes and let out another sad whimper. Cautiously Anko reached out and lightly touched the baby's fuzzy, black hair, causing his cries to grow louder out of desire to be held. Anko was not very good with children, and therefore had no idea what he wanted; was she supposed to pick him up? Was he merely acting, and waiting for an opportunity to kill her? Orochimaru continued to cry, and even his cold student was beginning to pity the poor child. Against her better judgement, Anko lifted her teacher's tiny form out of the heap of clothes and loosely wrapped his now too large tunic around him. "I have to report this to Lord Hokage." She groaned.

Hokage's Office

The Third Lord Hokage was rather surprised when Anko burst into his office holding a _baby_. "Well, this is a surprise. Whose baby is that?" He inquired of the rather agitated jonin.

"Lord Hokage…you're not going to believe this." She began. "It's….it's _Orochimaru_." The elderly ninja's eyes widened considerably.

"Anko…you've been taking quite a few missions, haven't you? Perhaps you should take some time off and get some rest." The Hokage suggested slowly.

"I'm not crazy, Sir! It really is Orochimaru!" The younger ninja insisted. "I was on my way back from a mission when he confronted me, and a big battle broke out." Anko figured the demolished part of the forest would serve as proof of that. "I…I think something went wrong with his jutsu, and all of a sudden, instead of Orochimaru, there was this baby." She held the baby out as proof, holding him upside down by his ankle, causing him to scream.

"Anko, that's _not_ a proper way to hold a baby, regardless of who he is!" The Third scolded, rising quickly to take the baby from the clueless kunoichi. The elder cradled the baby gently, and gradually he stopped crying. The tiny child observed the man through big, golden eyes, with slitted pupils. "It seems you're right, Anko." The lord said. "Look at his eyes. There's no mistake." The younger ninja peered at the baby, whose eyelids were beginning to droop. "I don't think this is a simple transformation jutsu, Anko." The Hokage said, his voice becoming serious. "I think Orochimaru was truly and completely changed into an infant. This could be a new start for him, a second chance, if you will."

"You mean…we're just going to leave him like this?" Anko asked curiously, wondering if she could go toss him off a cliff now and get rid of him forever.

"Well…it could be rewarding in some ways, but it wouldn't be wise." Came the reply.

"It would be best to return him to his natural state as soon as possible. For us, and for him."

The jonin frowned. "You want to help him?" She asked unhappily.

"I want to return things to normal." Her leader corrected. "However, that will take time. While we work on a solution, the child will need a caretaker." He added, looking at Anko expectantly.

"You don't mean…me?" She asked, turning pale with dread.

"Yes, I do. I think it would be an excellent opportunity for you, Anko." The Hokage said, handing Orochimaru back to her. "Now remember, that's how you're supposed to hold him." He reminded her as he placed the baby in her arms correctly.

"But, but, but…." The horrified woman protested. "What am I supposed to do with this thing!" She cried.

"He is not a thing, he's a baby." Was the stern reply. "This could technically be classified as a mission, so take this." The Leader said, digging in his desk drawer for something. When he found it, he handed it to Anko. "Inside this envelope is your budget for this month. If you use it up, any other money you need will have to come out of your own pockets." He said.

"It's going to take a whole month?" Anko asked, turning even paler. She set the envelope on Orochimaru's chubby tummy, using him like a shelf.

"I certainly hope not!" Lord Hokage said, smiling encouragingly. "I think the first things you should get are clothing and baby food." He added helpfully. Lord Hokage knew Anko well; therefore he knew she was most likely clueless enough to try to feed Orochimaru ramen or dango. The dazed jonin just nodded slowly. "I'll be going now, Sir." She said, and bowed slightly.

The kunoichi walked out of the building slowly, trying to absorb all the information. She happened to glance down disgustedly at the baby, only to see him stick the envelope in his mouth. "Ah, no!" She yelped loudly, pulling the money away from him. "Stupid brat, that isn't food!" Her yelling rather frightened the baby, causing him to start whimpering again. "Oh noooo……." She groaned. "Don't start crying again!" Anko was already starting to get a small headache. "I definitely need help." The ninja muttered. 'Let's see…who do I know who's good with kids?' She thought, making a mental list of people she knew, and checking through it. 'Probably not Kakashi…Kurenai is on a mission, so she can't help…definitely not Ibiki, unless I decide I want this brat dead after all…_' _Anko smirked at the idea. Orochimaru, blissfully unaware of his peril, had become completely fascinated with Anko's pendant, and was trying to catch it. 'Asuma doesn't strike me as the type to be any more fond of kids than I am, so scratch him…Gai is crazy, so he's _definitely_ out…Hayate would probably be clueless too…Yugao is on a mission with ANBU…Genma hates kids more than I do…._' _Anko was running out of capable people fast. Then a thought struck her. "Of course!" She exclaimed. "Iruka is great with kids! He'll help me for sure!"

Iruka's Apartment

Iruka opened his apartment door to Anko's smiling face, and a very happy baby who was sucking on her pendant. Iruka guessed she hadn't noticed yet. "Iruka, would you help me?" The jonin asked hopefully. "I have absolutely no idea what to do with this thing, and if he starts crying again, I think I'm going to kill him." She maintained her smile, but it was plain that she was getting stressed.

"What do you need help with?" Iruka asked, stepping aside so Anko could come in. "And that's not a thing, it's a baby." The teacher added.

The kunoichi shoved Orochimaru into Iruka's arms, and only then noticed that her pendant was covered in drool. "Ugh! See what I mean, Iruka?" She asked, taking off the pendant and holding it like it was a bug.

"Anko-san…would you mind explaining this to me?" The teacher asked, obviously uncomfortable. "Didn't you plan anything beforehand?" Anko looked at him curiously.

"What do you mean?" She asked, and pointed at the baby. "He was totally unexpected." A light pink tinge appeared in Iruka's face.

"Anko-san, I think you had plenty of time to plan for your baby."

The jonin looked at him in horror. "NO! He's not _my_ baby!" She exclaimed quickly. "It's that treacherous prick, Orochimaru! Look, it's a long story, but Orochimaru was turned into a baby and now I have to look after him." She sighed. Iruka looked down at the baby in his arms, who was gazing longingly at Anko.

"I see. And you need help shopping for him, right?" The teacher guessed, earning a nod from the other ninja.

"Yeah, Lord Hokage gave me a budget for the month, but I don't know what to get for him." She answered.

"Well, clothes would be a good start." Iruka suggested. "And he'll need baby food, blankets, diapers, a crib, some toys-"

"Wait a minute!" Anko interrupted. "He needs all that? That'll cost a fortune! And what am I going to do with a crib after he changes back!" The jonin got a sudden mental image of what Orochimaru's initial reaction could be when he changes back and finds himself in a crib with a stuffed animal. Naturally, Iruka was rather surprised when she burst out laughing hysterically.

'Maybe the stress is really getting to her…_'_ He thought, and sweatdropped. "All right, Anko-san. I'll help you shop, but then you're on your own, all right?" The teacher offered.

When the kunoichi finally stopped laughing, she nodded in agreement. "That sounds fine. Thanks, Iruka." She said, smiling in relief.


	2. How to Shop for a Baby

**Chapter 2: How to Shop for a Baby.**

"Before we go, we should probably find something else to put Orochimaru in. A blanket or something, I mean." Iruka suggested, and handed him back to Anko. He disappeared into another room, leaving Anko and the poor, defenseless baby alone together.

"You little monster." She said scowling at him. "I know you're up to something. I'm not buying your cute little act." Orochimaru looked up at his caretaker innocently and sighed in content.

"Here, you can wrap him in this." Iruka said as he reentered the room, holding out a blanket.

"Thanks." Anko said, and tried to wrap the baby up without dropping him-at least not in an obvious way. Iruka waited patiently for her to figure it out, and the kunoichi's patience rapidly drained. "Why is this so complicated!" She complained loudly. "Here, you do it!" She demanded, shoving Orochimaru at Iruka again.

"No, you need to learn how to do it yourself." Iruka said in his best teacher voice.

"Try laying him down on the couch and doing it." The chunin suggested. Anko complied reluctantly, and after several attempts, and almost fifteen minutes later, she finally got the baby wrapped up to her satisfaction.

"Anko-san, did anyone ever tell you you're a bit of a perfectionist?" Iruka teased, earning a glare from the jonin.

"Can we just go now?" The woman complained, picking up the baby. Orochimaru was thrilled that his new favorite person was holding him again. He made some appreciative baby noises and started trying to catch Anko's pendant, which was hanging around her neck again. "No, that's not a toy!" She snapped, pulling it out of his reach. The baby's lower lip began to tremble slightly, and he whimpered. The jonin looked down at him and tensed. 'Oh God, don't let him cry again!' She silently begged when she saw his expression. Tears were gathering in his eyes and the whimpers were getting louder.

"Anko…couldn't he play with it for a little while?" Iruka asked. He liked kids, but he couldn't deny that he didn't want to hear the baby screaming any more than Anko did. "We'll get him some toys at the store, and he'll probably forget about the pendant." He added, hoping it would convince the other ninja.

"Fine." She grumbled, leaving the necklace to hang as it usually did. The baby's whimpers stopped almost instantly, and he resumed his mission of catching the ever-elusive dangly-thing around his new mommy's neck.

"All right, let's get going then." Iruka said cheerfully, ushering Anko out the door and locking it behind him. "Oh, by the way, Anko, I was thinking…" He began.

"What is it?" The senior ninja inquired, glancing back at the teacher.

"We probably shouldn't tell anyone who the baby really is. It could put him in a lot of danger." Iruka answered gravely. Anko didn't think she'd mind if Orochimaru was in danger, but she kept that to herself.

"Okay, I agree." She said after a moment.

The walk to the store was fairly peaceful until the two ninjas passed Ichiraku. A certain blonde haired genin happened to glance up from his ramen and saw them. His blue eyes widened in disbelief and he abandoned his favorite meal as he rushed over to what appeared to be a couple and their new baby.

"IRUKA-SENSEI!" Naruto shrieked and ran up to them, pointing accusingly at Orochimaru. "When did you two have a baby? And why didn't you tell me about it?" The genin asked, looking hurt.

"Ah, Naruto it's not-" Iruka began, but was interrupted.

"And why _her_!" The clueless genin continued, oblivious of Anko's mounting rage. "She's so not your type, Iruka-sensei!" He scolded. "She's crazy, dangerous, creepy, and not nearly good enough for you! Really, Sensei, you can do way better!"

"Are you asking to die!" Anko growled, infuriated. Naruto finally noticed the murderous intent radiating from the jonin and took a few steps backward, just in case. "This thing isn't mine! And I'm not in a relationship with your precious sensei! He's just helping me out, you little brat!" She snapped.

"Anko-san, calm down. You're scaring him….again." Iruka told her calmly, and took the poor scared baby from her. "Naruto, don't jump to conclusions!" The boy's former teacher said sternly. Anko wasn't the only one who got annoyed by the outburst, it seemed.

"But you two…together…the baby…I just thought…" The genin defended poorly. "Fine, if he's not your baby, where did you get him?" The blonde challenged.

Neither adult spoke for a few minutes. Both were trying to come up with a good excuse, but neither seemed able to find one.

Finally Iruka spoke up. "Anko-san found him abandoned in the forest." Naruto raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Don't you know where his parents are?" He asked, feeling rather sorry for the baby. The baby, on the other hand, was quite content. If he could speak, he would most likely be unable to deny that he felt much safer in Iruka's arms than in Anko's.

"No, we don't know, otherwise I wouldn't be stuck taking care of him." Anko muttered unhappily. "Lord Hokage assigned me to take care of him. Iruka is just helping me buy stuff for it."

"He's a baby, not an 'it'." Iruka reminded her. He had a feeling he would have to do so continually in the future.

"Well….I guess that makes sense." Naruto said, feeling relieved that his former sensei was _not_ in a relationship with Anko, whom he had decided he disliked. "So, what's his name?" The genin asked, startling the elder ninjas.

"His…name?" Anko repeated nervously. 'Crap…since we're not telling people who he really is, we have to give him a fake name!' She thought. 'But…we never thought one up!'

"Well, we don't know that, remember?" Iruka reminded his protégé. "Anko-san found him, so we don't know what his name is."

Anko silently sighed in relief. 'Good save, Iruka.' She thought, making a mental note to thank him later. "I guess we should name him, then, huh?" She suggested, feeling more cheerful now that she wasn't in such an awkward situation.

"You could name him after me!" Naruto suggested, grinning up at Iruka.

"I would name him after Orochimaru before I even _considered_ naming him after you." Anko teased. "Seriously, though, what about….um…" she trailed off, unable to think of a fitting name.

"What about….Kiyo?" Iruka suggested, simply picking a name out of thin air. "I think it fits him, don't you?" The teacher smiled at the other two ninja.

"Works for me." Anko replied. She didn't really care what they called Orochimaru in front of people. 'Monster' or 'Traitor' would've been fine with her, and the jonin had come up with several unrepeatable names for her former teacher as well.

Naruto paused for a moment, thinking it over. "I guess it's okay. I still think you should name him after me, though." He joked.

"If you don't like this name, we could always call him Sasuke-chan." Anko teased; an evil grin spread across her face.

The genin's face clouded over and he scowled at the woman. "No way am I letting you name that poor baby after someone like Sasuke!" Naruto yelled, letting his emotions-and Anko-get the best of him yet again.

'Poor baby?' Anko thought. 'Yeah, right. If Naruto knew who he really was, I doubt he'd think that.' Subconsciously, the kunoichi frowned. Iruka noticed, and took it as a sign that they should move on.

"Well Naruto, we have to keep going." Iruka said brightly. "We were on our way to buy Kiyo-chan some supplies." The teacher would've loved to bring his former student along, but something told him if he did, Anko would definitely kill him later.

"See you later, Iruka-sensei!" Naruto said cheerfully. "I'm going to go train some more! Well……." He paused for a moment. "After another bowl or two." He finished, running back to his ramen.

"Jeez, I thought he'd never leave us." Anko muttered, though the genin didn't bother her as much as she pretended he did. The baby had put her in a sour mood.

Iruka walked beside her quietly, making a mental list of items they would need. "We should probably buy diapers first, then put them on him." The teacher said, referring to Orochimaru. "That rules out the risk of him having an accident on one of us."

Anko paled slightly at the thought, and was extremely relieved that Iruka was still holding him. "Better you than me." She said playfully. The chunin gave her his best 'stern teacher' look, then forced Orochimaru back into her arms.

"Just for that, you take him." He said, now smiling evilly. Anko made a mental note that she had never known the chunin, who seemed so sweet and kind, could smile like that.

"I don't _want _him!" Anko complained. The baby squirmed in her arms and made little protesting noises. "Now what's his problem!" Anko groaned. Orochimaru continued to struggle and whine.

"Try holding him a different way." Iruka suggested.

"There's a different way?" The jonin asked, though she didn't really care what the baby wanted.

The schoolteacher nodded. "Like this." He answered as he re-positioned Orochimaru so that he could peek over the other ninja's shoulder. "Now we should probably get a burp cloth before he throws up on you."

"YOU TAKE HIM." Anko said, holding out Orochimaru and looking particularly threatening.

Iruka shook his head. "No. Lord Hokage entrusted him to you. _You_ hold him." Though he said that, the teacher wasn't convinced that that decision was in the baby's best interest.

"How can he throw up on me anyway?" Anko continued. "I haven't fed him anything yet!"

"You found him a little before noon, right?" Iruka asked. "I'm sure he ate breakfast before he was transformed."

Anko gave an irritated sigh. She was sick of holding the baby, and she dreaded having to care for him full time. Just as she was starting to feel sorry for herself, Iruka interrupted her thoughts.

"Here we are." He said pleasantly, and opened the store's door for her. Anko scowled at him.

"I can open the door myself." She snapped at him as she walked through. The jonin disliked being treated like some helpless damsel who had to have everything done for her. Her bad mood didn't help the situation, and put Iruka at a risk of severe injury. The teacher ignored her comment and followed her through the door.

The kunoichi glanced around, looking for some sort of baby-like merchandise. "I don't see anything." She said.

"That's because you've barely stepped through the door." Iruka said calmly, as if he was talking to a child. Anko gave him another dirty look, but said nothing. "The baby section is by the lingerie." The teacher continued.

Anko grinned mischievously at him. "Oh? So you know where the lingerie is?" She teased him, making the sensei blush slightly.

"I only know because that department is right by the books!" He defended quickly.

The jonin grinned triumphantly and added, "I think you're just a pervert." She made a mental note to keep teasing him. It was easier than she thought, and lots of fun.

Iruka muttered something inaudible and started toward the baby department. "It's this way." He said over his shoulder, giving Anko a quick glare. The jonin grabbed a cart with her free hand and followed him.

A few aisles and an unpleasant incident with a shopping cart later, the two ninja finally reached their goal: the baby department.

Orochimaru instantly spotted a soft, stuffed snake that looked bigger than him. He reached for it, but was foiled by his arms' lack of length. Refusing to give in, he continued to squirm in Anko's arms until she finally got sick of it.

"What do you want!" She growled at him. The woman glanced behind to where the baby was reaching and saw the snake. She walked over to it, giving Orochimaru his chance. He took it and leaned down in her arms to snatch the snake up and hug it tightly. Then, satisfied, he leaned against Anko again, still clutching the toy. Iruka wished he had a camera. The adorable moment was quickly destroyed when the kunoichi saw the price tag.

"You'll never give up this snake obsession will you?" She asked him. "Anyway, this thing costs more than it's worth." Anko pulled the snake away and put it on the shelf out of his reach. Orochimaru was quiet for a few seconds; his brain was still processing the fact that his happy, perfect moment had been ruined. Then he started crying again, and buried his face in the jonin's shoulder.

Anko twitched a bit, sickened by the fact that her former _teacher_ was clinging to her and bawling. Iruka seemed to catch on and smiled slightly, hoping to encourage the woman a little.

"He's not really your teacher anymore, Anko-san." The chunin spoke up. "He's not even a ninja anymore. He's only a baby. Think of him as a new person. He's not Orochimaru anymore." The kunoichi didn't think she could ever think of him as just a baby, but didn't voice that opinion. "Maybe we can find him a cheaper toy, and he'll forget about the snake." Iruka said. Anko snorted rudely in reply. Orochimaru continued to cry, though not as hard, and was clutching her pendant tightly.

The two ninja began to search through the aisles. "He'll definitely need these." Iruka said, pulling two packages of diapers off the shelf.

"Would you hold him for a while?" Anko asked. "My arms are getting tired, and my pendant is covered in drool." She gave the baby an evil look. The chunin tried to gently pry Orochimaru away from Anko, but the baby clung to her like a monkey and screeched until Iruka let go.

"I guess you're stuck with him." Iruka sighed. "You can try putting him in the cart, though." He added, motioning toward the cart's seat. It took several attempts, but Anko finally managed to get the baby buckled in.

The two ninja continued to the next aisle, where the kunoichi snatched up the first pacifier she saw. "He's not sucking on my pendant anymore." She said firmly, and tossed the item in the cart's basket, narrowly missing Orochimaru's head. Iruka added a blanket, a bottle, and some baby formula.

"I'll go find a crib, so go find him some clothes in the meantime." The schoolteacher instructed.

A strange expression crossed Anko's face when she heard that; a mix of horror, disgust and embarrassment. A slight blush followed, and the jonin became fascinated with the floor.

"What's wrong?" Iruka asked, surprised by the sudden change in her attitude.

There was a pause, then the other ninja answered, "It's nothing. I'll go find some clothes." She walked away, pushing the cart along with her. 'I never really thought about it…' She thought, feeling very awkward around the baby now. 'Under that blanket……..he's _naked_. My former teacher is wrapped in nothing but a blanket, sitting in a cart drooling all over himself.' Anko was so absorbed in her thoughts, that she nearly ran the cart into a shelf. The jonin quickly veered back on course and hurried to the baby clothes.

Few people knew, but Anko was extremely picky about buying clothes. They had to be exactly the way she wanted them, and was very particular about details. Thus, most of her clothes were custom made, and much more expensive. By the time Iruka rejoined her almost forty-five minutes later--he was picky about cribs--Anko hadn't chosen a single article of clothing.

"Um….can't you just pick something?" Iruka asked, trying not to sound whiny. "It's not that hard." The chunin glanced around quickly, and then pointed out a little pajama outfit with green puppies all over. "What about that?" He suggested. "That'll be perfect for him."

The woman shook her head disapprovingly. "I don't like the color." She said, and went back to scrutinizing a pair of tiny pants.

"Well, they have it in blue, too." Iruka said, trying to be patient. Unfortunately, most of his patience had been used up on Konohamaru earlier that day.

"He would never wear those, no matter what color they were." Anko refused, and then held up the pants. "I think these will be fine, don't you?" She asked.

"I don't like the pockets." Iruka teased, picking out the most unimportant detail he could think of.

The jonin frowned. "You know, now that I look closely, neither do I." She put the pants back on the rack. Anko paused, then grinned at Iruka. "Just kidding!" She said, carefully laying the pants in the cart.

Iruka let out a sigh of relief. For a moment, he had believed her. "You know, if you let me pick some things out, this will go much faster." He offered, hoping the kunoichi would allow it.

Anko hesitated, but nodded. "All right." She agreed. "I need to pick up a few groceries after this, so I'd like to finish up. Do we have everything else we need?" She asked.

The chunin shook his head. "No, we still need baby food, and some toys. You might want to consider buying some waterproof toys he can play with in the bathtub." He answered, causing Anko to make that face again.

"I am not bathing him." She said flatly. Her tone of voice made it clear that arguing the point now would be both pointless and dangerous. Thus, Iruka took the safe route and ignored her. He continued his list instead, saying, "You can get baby food at the grocery store. Do you know what Oro-I mean _Kiyo-chan_ likes to eat?" He barely caught himself. A woman who had passed by would've heard for sure if he had slipped and called the baby by his real name.

Anko thought for a moment. She really had no idea. "I really have no idea." She answered. For all she knew, Orochimaru ate babies. 'If that's true, this is karma.' She thought, smiling slightly. "I'll just buy a bunch and find out through trial and error." She added.

"You'll need to get a high chair unless you're willing to subject your table and clothes to baby food." Iruka said as he tossed a few articles of clothing into the cart, the puppy pajamas included. When he wasn't looking, Anko slipped them out of the cart and onto a nearby clothing rack. She replaced them with a black pajama outfit with little green snakes on it. The jonin was confident that these were far more appropriate for the former snake ninja.

After adding a few more outfits and sending Iruka on a mission to find a high chair and anything else they'd need, Anko was satisfied with the baby's new wardrobe. The chunin came back with the items, smiling. "I think that's everything." He said cheerfully.

The kunoichi nodded. "Let's go pay, then you can put a diaper on him and get him dressed." She said, pushing the cart back toward the checkout.

Iruka looked at her in surprise. "I'm not putting a diaper on him. That's your job." He refused, earning a look of protest from the other ninja.

"What do you mean!" She asked urgently. "_I'm_ definitely not doing it! He's a boy!" They reached the checkout and paid for everything while continuing to argue. Anko took the receipt from the employee and looked expectantly at Iruka, who pointed to the women's bathroom.

"He's a _baby_, Anko-san. Grow up and go change him in there." He said firmly, making it clear that there was no way out of this for her. To emphasize his point, he handed the jonin the diapers and a pair of clothes.

Anko looked like she was about to put a kunai through his skull, but took the diapers and clothes, and lifted the baby out of the cart. She disappeared into the women's restroom.

WOMEN'S RESTROOM

The jonin immediately located a counter, and laid Orochimaru on it. The baby looked up at her with mild interest, as if to ask what she was doing. Anko pulled a diaper out of the package and looked apprehensively at the child, who remained loosely wrapped in Iruka's blanket. For five minutes she just stared at him, wondering what she should do. "I guess….I should get this……over with…" Anko mumbled hesitantly. Cautiously, she reached out and pulled the blanket away. Orochimaru squirmed in protest at the sudden loss of warmth. The jonin quickly turned away, feeling extremely awkward. Hesitantly she turned back around to face the baby and was met with a spray of urine all over her jacket.

A stream of colorful curses was heard clearly outside the restroom. Iruka groaned, and hoped nobody in there was dying—Orochimaru in particular.

"YOU DAMN BRAT!" Anko shrieked. She hastily yanked her jacket off and turned the faucet on, trying to clean the mess off of her clothes. Orochimaru looked quite pleased with himself and giggled. "What's so funny you ass!" The kunoichi yelled at him. "I knew you were still evil! I knew it!" She grabbed a handful of paper towels and patted the wet spot on her jacket. All the while, she managed not to look at him. When at last she was mostly satisfied with her clothes, she returned to her other problem: getting the diaper and clothes on him. 'How am I supposed to do this?' She wondered, becoming frustrated. 'More importantly, how can I do it without touching him?' Luckily for her, an employee walked into the bathroom, extremely curious about the commotion. "Oh, hey, I need your help." Anko said. The look on her face told the girl that refusing would be a very bad idea.

"What can I help you with, Ma'am?" She asked politely.

"I don't know how to get this stupid diaper on it." The jonin replied, holding out the diaper.

"Ma'am, that's a baby, not an it." The girl corrected respectfully.

"Just show me how to put the stupid thing on!" The woman snapped, glaring at the poor employee.

"Y-yes Ma'am!" The girl squeaked. "Just lift up his legs and slip the diaper under, then you can lay him back down and stick the sides together." She instructed. Unfortunately, Anko proved to be terrible at changing diapers. Instead of merely lifting Orochimaru's legs, she lifted _him_ up by his legs, making him scream. "Ma'am, not like that!" The girl exclaimed, taking the baby and laying him back down gently. "Just lift his legs enough so that you can slip the diaper underneath him." She demonstrated it quickly. "Just like that. Now you can stick the sides together and you're done."

Anko did so, and at last her task was completed—mostly. "Thanks, you can go." She told the employee- who decided it was wisest to get out of there- and picked up the baby clothes. "Getting you dressed ought to be simple enough. Luckily it was, and within ten minutes, she returned from the women's restroom.

"Oh, you did it! Good job!" Iruka congratulated cheerfully.

Anko scowled at him. "Don't talk to me like I'm one of your students." She said sourly, then held Orochimaru out to him. "Here, take him before I kill him."

The chunin took the baby in one arm and dug in the shopping bags with the other. "While you were in there, I took the liberty of getting him one more toy." He said, and pulled the stuffed snake out of a bag. Orochimaru squealed in delight and snatched the toy away.

Anko couldn't help smiling, despite her fury at the infant. "Thanks." She said. "You didn't have to do that." Even she couldn't deny it would probably be very useful for distracting or entertaining the child.

As the two ninja exited the store, the girl from the restroom ran to the employee phone in the store office and dialed. A few seconds later, she began talking. "You'll never guess who I just saw here with a _baby_!"

ANKO'S APARTMENT

After leaving the store, Iruka had helped carry everything to Anko's apartment, then left. "Thank God that's over with." She sighed, and flopped down on her couch. Orochimaru lay on the floor playing with the snake. "You're a real pain, you know that?" She asked, glaring at the child. 'How much longer will he stay like this?' She thought. 'And what happens when he changes back? I wonder if he'll remember any of this…' Anko was startled out of her thoughts by the phone ringing. Grumbling, she walked across the room to answer it. "Hello?" She asked, sounding crabby.

"Hello, Anko-san?" A girl's voice asked. It was the last person the jonin would've expected-or wanted- a phone call from. Haruno Sakura.

"Sakura?" The elder ninja asked, not sure if she identified the voice properly.

"Yes, this is Sakura. Anko-san, I was wondering…….." The genin said, sounding awkward. "Is it true……uh, is it true that…..you and Iruka-sensei…….had a _baby_?"

Authoress's Notes: And that's my attempt at a cliffhanger!

To everyone who reviewed the first chapter, thank you so much! I really appreciate it! Please keep giving me advice; it really helps!


	3. How to Deal With Rumors

**Chapter 3: How to Deal with Rumors**

"Anko-san, is something wrong? You sounded urgent on the phone." Iruka inquired, obviously concerned. "Is something wrong with Orochimaru?"

The jonin shook her head. "No, he's fine…." She answered. As a ninja, she was skilled at hiding her emotions, but everything about her gave them away now.

"All right, how can I help you, then?" He asked.

**Flashback**

IRUKA'S APARTMENT

Iruka had just finished making instant ramen, a meal Naruto had inspired over the years, and barely took the first bite when the phone rang. At first he ignored it, telling himself he had earned some relaxation. However, the caller refused to give up, and on the seventh call, the chunin finally answered.

_ "Hello?" He asked in an irritated tone._

_ "Iruka! Are you busy right now?" Asked an all too familiar voice._

_ "Anko-san?" The schoolteacher asked in surprise. "What is it? Is something wrong?" He automatically feared the worst, expecting to hear that she threw the baby out a window, or dropped him on his head._

_ "Er…can you come over? There's something we need to discuss…" Was the answer. The jonin sounded uncomfortable._

_ Iruka sighed quietly. "All right, I'll be right over." He said, and hung up._

**End Flashback**

"So, what did you want to discuss?" He asked, wondering what could have made the jonin so serious.

Anko fidgeted awkwardly. "You might want to sit down." She said, taking a seat on the couch. The baby was nowhere to be seen, but noise could be heard down the hall, and every once in a while he squealed happily. Iruka seated himself in a chair across from the kunoichi and waited patiently. "I got a phone call from Sakura." She began.

"Haruno Sakura?" Iruka asked. "I didn't know you two knew each other.

"Except for seeing her now and then at a restaurant or a store, I don't." Anko answered. "But now it makes sense. She's at the age where all they do is gossip…" She said looking lost in thought.

"I'm missing something." Iruka said, getting tired of the jonin avoiding the subject. "Are you going to tell me what was so urgent?"

Anko looked uncomfortable as she said, "According to Sakura, there's a new rumor going around that…….that you and I……had…a baby. Together."

Iruka's jaw dropped in shock. He was too surprised to say anything, so the kunoichi continued talking.

"Someone probably saw us together with that traitor and thought he was our kid." She said matter-of-factly. "It's obvious we're not married; we don't even live together." Anko sighed and slouched against the couch. "Now everyone's going to think I'm a slut." She groaned, punching a cushion. "And it's all that damn traitor's fault!" She continued abusing the cushion while Iruka absorbed all the information.

After a minute or two, he regained his ability to talk. "A baby? Us?!" He repeated in disbelief. "Who would think that? Everyone who knows me knows I'm way too busy at he academy to bother with something like that."

Anko frowned at him. "Well, sorry I got in the way of your life." She retorted. "More importantly, _what the hell are we going to do_?!"

Iruka looked at her helplessly. "How should I know? I didn't think something like this would happen! I was just helping you out!"

"It doesn't matter how it happened, we just have to figure out how to clear this up." The jonin said, forcing herself to think clearly despite the stress she was under. Iruka couldn't disagree with that, and took several deep breaths to calm him down.

"So….what do you suggest we do about this, Anko-san?" The schoolteacher asked. "Even if we deny the rumors, people will think we're lying to cover this up."

"You're probably right." Anko agreed, nodding. She fell silent for several minutes, trying to come up with a good solution. "Well, I just thought of something, but it's a horrible idea." She said, trying to come up with a better one.

Iruka looked at her curiously. "What is it?" He asked, hoping it didn't involve killing Orochimaru and denying that the baby ever existed. The chunin doubted the world would react casually to the sudden disappearance of one of the most powerful and dangerous ninja of their time. However, he also doubted that they would mourn the loss.

A light pink tinge appeared on the jonin's face. "Well…it's stupid, you wouldn't want to hear it." She said, hoping he would drop the subject. Unfortunately, Anko wasn't that lucky.

"No, I'd like to hear it." Iruka insisted. "It may not be as bad as you think." Anko doubted that.

"The plan……is…" Anko paused, unsure of how to say it. Eventually, she decided to just be blunt, like always. "The plan was to pretend we're married until he changes back." She said quickly. The chunin's eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped again.

"You're joking, right?" He asked in shock. "That's crazy! No offense, Anko-san, but nobody would believe that! And what would we do when Orochimaru changes back? Wouldn't it be a little suspicious if 'our' baby suddenly disappeared?"

Anko shrugged. "They'd probably believe me if I said I lost him. Anyway, I told you it was a terrible idea."

Iruka was about to comment on that, but the baby cut him off. Both ninja could hear him fussing loudly from down the hall. "Go get him." The chunin demanded, knowing Anko would probably just leave him otherwise. "Where is he, anyway?"

"I left him in the hallway with a toy." The jonin answered as she exited the room to get Orochimaru. She reappeared momentarily, holding him like he was a bug. "Happy?" she asked, giving Iruka a grouchy look. Upon seeing the chunin, the former snake ninja squealed and wiggled happily in Anko's arms, trying to get to his other favorite person. The kunoichi walked over to Iruka and thrust the baby into his arms. "Here, if you like him so much, you hold him." She said, and returned to the couch.

Orochimaru immediately began entertaining himself by playing with Iruka's ponytail. At first he pulled gently, but the gentle tugs quickly progressed in to yanking on the chunin's head. "OW!" He yelped, trying to pry the baby away.

"See? He's still evil." Anko said, frowning at the other two. "My next idea is for _you_ to take him home." She added. "Let them call _your_ house all day." As if on cue, the telephone rang again. The kunoichi grumbled, but got up to answer it. "Yeah, this is Anko. Yep. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's right. No, it's not mine. I KNOW 'IT'S' A BABY, DAMN IT! No! ………Right, okay…………Bye." She hung up grabbed one of the baby's toys. "That was one of the Hokage's guards. Lord Hokage wants to see us right away." She said, handing the toy to Iruka. "I have a feeling he's heard the rumors."

HOKAGE'S OFFICE

Fifteen minutes later, Anko stood with Iruka, who was still holding the baby, in the Hokage's office. Both ninja felt rather uneasy about the meeting. They knew their leader would be understanding, but still undoubtedly displeased about the rumors.

"Anko, Iruka…" The elderly ninja began, pausing to light his pipe. "I've heard some very strange rumors about you two."

The jonin began to defend her immediately. "Sir, I can explain. I wasn't sure what to do, so I called Iruka, and he agreed to lend me a hand shopping."

"I just helped her pick out some supplies, and left." Iruka added in his own defense.

The Hokage smiled at them. "Don't worry, I didn't call you here just to lecture you. I know you both better than to believe any ridiculous rumors. Plus, I know the truth about him." He pointed at Orochimaru, who looked at him cutely, and started wiggling again. Iruka handed him back to Anko, who took the baby reluctantly. Instantly, he started grabbing at her pendant, but the jonin was prepared. She revealed a hidden pacifier and stuffed it in his mouth. Orochimaru blinked in surprise, but decided it was good enough and laid his head on his 'mommy's' shoulder. Anko made a disgusted face, but allowed him to stay there. She was standing before the Hokage, after all.

"He seems to have adjusted well." The elderly ninja said, teasing her lightly.

"Yes, Sir." The jonin said, forcing a smile.

Iruka spoke up quickly before the woman could slip and say something inappropriate. "Lord Hokage, do you have any solutions? We can't just go home and pretend he doesn't exist."

"Watch me." Anko muttered, though she spoke quietly so their leader couldn't hear.

Iruka discreetly elbowed her ribs and continued. "Anko-san and I agreed that it would be unwise to tell people who the baby really is. We told one person we ran into that she found him in the woods. It's for his safety, so what can we do?"

The Hokage was silent for several minutes as he pondered the situation and tried to formulate a plot. After what seemed like hours to the kunoichi, he spoke. "I can only think of one solution. Take care of the baby together. You may stick to your original story about finding him in the woods; it's a clever excuse. In the meantime, one of you must move in with the other." His tone of voice was not harsh, but it was clear that it would be pointless to argue. "Consider it a mission."

The other ninja paused and exchanged glances. "Yes, Sir." They said in unison, then bowed and left the room.

It was barely two minutes before Anko's frustration became obvious. She said nothing, but exuded a large amount of killing intent, which was directed mostly at Orochimaru. Iruka considered taking him for a while, but decided that the jonin should get used to life with the baby. He kept a watchful eye on them, however, just in case. The baby was completely clueless, and had started grabbing things again. His tiny searching hands explored anything they could reach, namely Anko's facial features. Orochimaru had managed to poke her eyes several times, whack her nose, and was currently occupied trying to share his pacifier with her.

"So it's true!" An obnoxious female voice squealed. Both ninja and the baby turned their attention to the blonde kunoichi coming towards them from the flower shop. "When I heard you two had a baby I didn't believe it at first! I never guessed that you would end up as a couple.

"We are not a couple." Anko said, emphasizing 'not'. A dangerous glint appeared in her eyes.

"Come on, be honest! Actually, I think you two go well together." Ino pressed on, smiling cutely at the baby. "Who's a cute baby? You are!" She cooed as she pinched his cheeks gently.

"He's so cute!" An equally irritating voice squealed. Sakura had overheard Ino's ramblings and seen the infant. "He looks just like you, Anko-san." She added.

Iruka mentally groaned. 'She's going to kill them…'

The two genin joined forces and began making cute and silly faces at Orochimaru in an attempt to make him laugh. Unfortunately, their methods had the opposite effect, and the baby burst into terrified tears. To make matters worse, he buried his face in Anko's bosom, making her mounting anger explode.

"He's a pervert!" She yelled, shoving the terrified infant at Iruka. "Not only is he messy, noisy and evil, he's a pervert too!"

"Anko-san, he's just scared!" The schoolteacher scolded as he tried to take the baby. Orochimaru, however, was quite determined to stay in his 'mommy's' arms, and threw a fit when taken from her. "I think you're stuck with him." Iruka sighed.

"Can I hold him?" Ino asked hopefully.

"No! You're the only reason he's crying in the first place!" Anko snapped.

"Uh, girls, we need to take the baby home now." Iruka cut in quickly. "He needs his nap. Talk to you later." He ushered Anko away before she had the chance to say something really cruel.

"I wanted to hold him." Ino complained as both genin watched the two senior ninja hurry away.

"I heard that some first-time parents become really overprotective of their babies." Sakura consoled her.

"You're probably right." The blonde agreed, though it pained her to admit it. "Still, I didn't even know they were dating, much less…well, you know." A slight blush appeared on her cheeks.

"Its funny. They don't seem very close, even though they're parents now." The pink haired girl said.

There was a pause as both genin pondered the matter. "I bet they're shy!" Ino exclaimed, shattering the silence. "They're probably nervous about what other people would think."

"As much as I hate to admit that you have a brain, that makes sense!" Sakura agreed. "You said yourself, nobody would expect those two to get together!"

"Anko-san is pretty wild. I wouldn't have thought Iruka-sensei would be able to handle her."

"Ino, you pervert!" Sakura squeaked.

"I didn't mean like that! What were _you_ thinking, billboard brow?" A sly grin appeared on the blonde's face, and the other genin turned beet red.

"You pig!" Sakura snapped back. A thought struck her, and a worried expression crossed her face. "I just thought of something. What if they're too shy or something, and decide to break up?"

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?" Ino argued. "We wouldn't know if they're having problems. Besides, it's none of our business."

"This coming from the biggest gossip in the village! Iruka-sensei taught us for years, so it _is_ our business!"

"That's stretching things a little—"

"Oh, admit it! You know you want them to stay together!" Sakura interrupted. "What if we just…observe them first? You know, watch them, and if they seem like they're going to break up, we could, uh, _intervene_ and save their relationship!"

Ino was silent for a moment while she thought it over. "Well…as long as we're just watching I don't see why we couldn't. But don't get caught! I'll be fine, but you're a sorry excuse for a ninja." She scoffed. Sakura retaliated with her fists and several particularly rude comments.

ANKO'S APARTMENT

Anko burst through the front door of her apartment and dropped Orochimaru on the couch. He bounced twice and fell on the floor, after which he began to cry again. Iruka picked him up and tried to comfort him while scolding Anko who had stomped into the kitchen.

"You can't drop him like that! He's only a baby!" The chunin snapped at her as he entered the kitchen.

Anko barely glanced at him, and then returned to poking around in the refrigerator. "Get him out of here." She demanded, referring to the sniffling infant. "Take him to your house; I'm sure he'll be much happier there."

"He may be safer there, but he's happiest with you." Iruka said, scowling at her. The jonin continued to ignore him, and he gave an irritated sigh. "Lord Hokage assigned this mission to _both_ of us, not just me."

"Yeah, he also told us to move in together." Was the angry reply. Anko highly respected and admired their leader, but she detested the 'mission' they had been assigned.

"You can come to my apartment, then." The chunin offered. He was trying his hardest not to start another fight.

Anko found an apple and took a large bite. "Ehwes no ay ah draing aw meh fuff ah hiff to yow abahmen." She stated through a mouthful of fruit.

Iruka made a face. "Would you mind repeating that?" He requested, hoping she'd swallow first.

The kunoichi did so and repeated, "There's no way I'm dragging all my stuff and his to your apartment. Bring your things over tomorrow."

The chunin was about to protest, but kept his mouth shut. Anko had a point. It would be simpler for him to bring a few things over than for her to drag all the baby's things as well as her own to his apartment. "All right." He sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow after class." He handed Orochimaru to her and exited the apartment.

The Next Day

"All right, class, hand in your essays." Iruka said to the multitude of mini ninja-in-training. "And I don't want any excuses for not finishing the assignment." He added, earning whines and complaints from several students.

He was about to move onto the next part of the lesson when a knock on the classroom door was heard. "Just a moment, class." The chunin said, then answered the persistent knocking. "Can I help—Anko-san?!"

"As a matter of fact, you can." The jonin growled, and attempted to thrust a certain whimpering infant into his arms. "Make it go away."

Iruka gently pushed Orochimaru away and shook his head. "Anko-san, I'm in class!" He whispered in irritation. "I'm not free to help out until this afternoon!" He glanced at the baby and added, "Uh, what's in his hair?"

"Baby food." Anko replied flatly. Iruka was sure he didn't want to know. "Now just take him! _Please?" _The kunoichi begged.

"Be reasonable! I'm in class right now!"

"Yeah, so? I've been in hell all day with him!"

"What on earth would I do with him here? There are only a few hours left before I can help you! Can't you just be patient?"

Anko ignored him and peeked around him so she was visible to the students. "Hey, girls!" She called, addressing only the female pupils. "Want a little playmate for the rest of the day?" The kunoichi held the baby up so they could see him.

The girls all squealed simultaneously. There was a chorus of "Oh, how cute!" and "He's absolutely precious!" and even a "Can we keep him, Sensei?".

Iruka glared at Anko, who was grinning triumphantly. "Can you say no to those faces?" She asked, smirking.

"Actually, yes. I do it all the time." The chunin snapped. "Now go home, and I'll see you in a few hours!" He closed the sliding door before she had a chance to argue.

The remainder of the class time went smoothly aside from a few complaints about the baby leaving. Iruka was in a surprisingly good mood until he remembered what the rest of the day held for him. Sighing, he gathered some things off his desk and exited the empty classroom. The chunin walked at a leisurely pace toward his apartment, making an effort to waste time. 'I don't dislike her,' He thought, 'but that doesn't mean I want to move in with her. This will only strengthen people's suspicions. I'm not sure this is the best way to deal with the problem.' The corners of his mouth tilted down slightly. 'But still, Lord Hokage ordered us to move in together, so I'll just have to make the best of it.' Iruka had a sinking feeling that it would be far easier said than done.

Upon arriving home, he entered and locked the door behind him. "Now…what to bring?" He sighed, dumping his things on the loveseat in his small living room. The chunin traveled to his bedroom and began packing. Forty-five minutes later, he had managed to stuff nearly everything in his closet and drawers into two suitcases. Iruka hoped they wouldn't break, at least not until he had made it to Anko's apartment. He dragged the heavy items into his living room, then quickly dialed the jonin's phone number; she had called more than enough times for him to memorize it. The telephone continued to ring for several minutes. Just as the chunin was ready to hang up, Anko answered.

"WHAT?!" She yelled angrily.

Iruka, startled by the volume of her voice, yanked the phone away from his ear. "Anko-san?" He asked hesitantly.

"Iruka! It's about time you called!" The kunoichi suddenly sounded extremely relieved. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to let you know I'm coming over now." The chunin answered. "I should be there in about fifteen minutes."

"All right, see you soon. I'm looking forward to a break." Orochimaru could be heard in the background giggling about something. "Shut it, brat!" Anko snapped at him.

"I'll, uh, be right over." Iruka said and hung up the phone.

Though he would've liked to, the chunin wasted no time on his trip to Anko's apartment. In record time, he reached her doorway and knocked on the heavy wood.

"Thank goodness you're here!" The jonin whispered as she opened the door, letting him enter. "Just keep it down; I finally got the little monster to sleep."

Iruka peeked around her and saw the baby. He had fallen asleep on the floor and was snuggled up with his giant snake plushie. "Where should I put my things?" The schoolteacher inquired in a quiet whisper.

Anko shrugged and looked around the room. She pointed at a corner in response, and added, "Sorry, I don't have any guest bedrooms. And there's no way in hell you're sleeping with me."

'I wouldn't want to.' Iruka thought, but kept that to himself. He set the suitcases—which seemed ready to burst at any moment—in the aforementioned corner carefully, doing his best not to wake Orochimaru.

"Are you hungry?" The kunoichi asked as she walked into the kitchen. Despite being joined with the dining room, there was very little space. "I'm gonna make ramen; I hope you don't mind." She sighed and added, "I've had a very….trying…day."

"Ramen is fine." Iruka answered politely. In truth, he would've rather had something else, but he wisely decided not to get on the jonin's bad side.

"Good. Now, get out of my kitchen and go play with the monster or something." Anko ordered. She tended to become territorial when the kitchen was involved.

Iruka rolled his eyes, but exited the kitchen and returned to the living room. Orochimaru was beginning to wake up from his nap on the floor. The infant looked up sleepily, and upon seeing Iruka, a large smile appeared on his face. He cooed happily and stretched his little arms out, begging to be held. The chunin knelt down and scooped the baby up in his strong arms.

"Anko makes such a big deal over you." Iruka sighed to the baby as he seated himself on the couch and settled the infant on his lap. Orochimaru leaned over suddenly to grasp a toy, and would've fallen on the floor if the adult ninja's reflexes had been a second slower. Iruka managed to catch the baby and hand him the toy as well.

The sound of pots and pans clanging could be heard from the kitchen, and not much later Anko poked her head out of the kitchen. "It's ready; you can come on in now." She said, disappeared again.

Iruka picked Orochimaru up again and carried him to the kitchen where Anko was finishing setting up the high chair they had purchased.

"Just a second…" She told him as she rechecked the assembly. "Okay, you can put him in." The chunin complied and within seconds the former Sannin was strapped into a high chair loudly demanding food. In reply, Anko stuffed a bottle in his mouth, mostly to shut him up.

"Have you tried feeding him any baby food?" Iruka asked as he seated himself in the chair to the right of the baby.

"Yeah, he seems to like carrots well enough, but he threw the peas in my face." The jonin replied sourly. "How about _you_ feed him this time?"

The chunin shrugged. "Sure, I don't mind." He replied. "Where do you keep the baby food?"

Anko walked to a cabinet and dug out a small glass bottle. Within it was an unappetizing orange mush. She grabbed a spoon out of a drawer and handed both to the other ninja before bringing the pot of ramen to the table.

Dinner went fairly smoothly aside from Orochimaru's refusal to eat the peas Iruka tried to feed him. The chunin's hair was streaked with green by the meal's end, and the baby wore a pouty scowl on his face. Anko assumed it was the early stages of development for his more potent adult glare.

Iruka noticed a dishrag by the sink, and rose to get it. He turned on the sink and held it under the lukewarm water for a few seconds before walking back to Orochimaru and proceeding to wash the meal off his face. The baby scrunched his eyes shut and tried to squirm away from the rag, but was unsuccessful due to being restrained by the high chair. The chunin finished cleaning the baby up, and released him from the chair. "What time does he go to bed?" Iruka inquired of Anko.

The jonin shrugged and replied, "I don't know, whenever I guess."

"He needs a set bedtime." The chunin said gently, trying to be polite. He glanced at the clock; it was almost nine. "How about seven from now on? Does that sound alright?"

"Sure." Anko replied. Her tone made it obvious that she couldn't care less. "If you put him to bed, I'll clean up here." She offered.

Iruka nodded in agreement. "Where does he sleep?"

"I set up his crib in my room, at the end of the hall. Touch anything and you're dead." She said, smiling.

It took Iruka almost forty-five minutes to get Orochimaru to sleep. The baby disliked being left alone, and threw a fit every time the chunin tried to leave. Of course, the minute he returned, the infant immediately stopped crying. When he finally drifted off to sleep, Iruka sneaked away, thanking every god he could think of for the stealth that came with being a ninja.

When he reappeared in the living room, Anko had set out clean sheets, a blanket and a pillow on the couch. "Took you long enough." She teased, grinning at him.

"Ha ha ha." The chunin mumbled sarcastically, suddenly feeling exhausted. Taking care of the baby required an energy level that only Naruto possessed.

"You can make your bed on the couch, and I left you a spare alarm clock." Anko said, checking off items on her mental list. "You know where everything is, right? You can just help yourself."

Iruka nodded and yawned. "Okay. Thank you, Anko-san."

"Yeah. G'night." The kunoichi replied, and disappeared down the hall to her own room.

The chunin removed several cushions from the couch and laid out the sheets and blankets. He disappeared into the bathroom to change into pajamas, only to find that, in his rush, he had forgotten them at home. Frowning at his bad luck, he removed all his clothing save for his boxers, and returned to the living room. Wearing such a small amount of clothing was awkward enough on its own, but adding to it the fact that he was at a _woman's_ apartment made it worse. The chunin quickly buried himself under the blankets and fell into a deep sleep, during which he dreamt of evil babies trying to conquer the world.

Author's Notes: Whew! Another chapter! I hope I didn't make the ending sound dirty or anything...I definitely didn't mean to...uh, anyway...Thank you all so much for your reviews! They always put me in a good mood, and the advice I get really helps! Arigatou!!


	4. How to Spy on your Teacher

**Chapter 4: How to Spy on Your Teacher**

Iruka lay sprawled on Anko's couch, sleeping soundly. Sometime during the night the sheets and blankets had been kicked off, and were now lying in a messy heap on the floor. Though it was still quite early, the sun had found its way through the curtains on the window, and was bathing the sleeping chunin in light. It was managing to slowly coax him awake, but he thwarted its efforts by burying his head under the pillow.

For several minutes, everything was calm and peaceful again, and Iruka managed to drift off to sleep once more.

The chunin woke with a start, causing Orochimaru to topple over onto the couch next to him. Anko stood over them, a playful grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"You dropped him on me didn't you?" The chunin asked accusingly, scowling at the jonin.

The woman ignored his question. "Morning, gorgeous." She chuckled.

Iruka looked at her quizzically for a moment, then his eyes went wide. Remembering he was in nothing but boxers, he dove for the blankets and tried to cover himself up. The chunin quickly formed a cocoon of blankets around him and scowled up at Anko, who was still staring at him. "What?" He snapped, trying unsuccessfully to hide his embarrassment.

"Just thought you might like to go to work today." The kunoichi answered. "It's already 7:30."

Iruka's eyes widened in shock, and a curse escaped his lips. "School starts in half an hour!" He groaned, jumping out of his cocoon and making a beeline for the bathroom.

A remarkably short amount of time later, Iruka reappeared from the bathroom. His hair was still slightly damp, making his now limp ponytail shine in the sunlight.

"IhavetogoI'llseeyouthisafternoonbye!" The chunin said quickly, without pausing to breathe as he ran out the door, pulling his green vest on.

"Hey, wait, you forgot this!" Anko yelled after him, holding up the heavy black bag that contained the materials and lessons for class that day. In her other arm, Orochimaru was waving 'bye-bye'.

Iruka stopped on a dime, turned, and ran back to the front door. Quickly, and without thinking about it, he grasped the bag, patted the top of Orochimaru's head and gave Anko a quick peck on the cheek. Immediately both ninja froze, realizing what had just happened.

'I…uh, um….I…."Iruka stammered. His face turned deep crimson as he frantically searched for the right words.

Meanwhile, Anko fixed an icy death-glare on him. "GO. NOW."

"I didn't mean to!" The chunin protested.

"Just go away! Enjoy your day because I'm going kill you when you get home."

The baby let out a small giggle that sounded suspiciously like a snicker.

Defeated and embarrassed, the schoolteacher trudged away to the academy, leaving the baby to face Anko's wrath.

Not long after, thirty children under the age of nine were whispering among themselves, all concocting theories to explain why Iruka-sensei looked so spacey.

"Sensei..?" A small girl asked timidly, raising her hand. There was no reply as the chunin continued to stare off into space.

The girl tried again. "Iruka-sensei?"

Silence.

"_Sensei_?"

A few crickets chirped.

Confused by their teacher's lack of attention, Konohamaru decided to help the girl. He rose from his seat and walked directly in front of his teacher.

"Transform!" The child exclaimed as pale pink smoke filled the air around him. It gradually dissipated to reveal a completely nude young woman winking at the chunin.

"Huh?" Iruka asked, finally glancing at the students, all of who bore sweatdrops on their heads.

"Sensei, if you're not going to teach us, can we just leave?" Konohamaru asked bluntly. "I need to go train!"

"No! Change back right now and go sit down!" The chunin snapped. There was a short pause as Iruka surveyed the classroom. "When did all of you get here?"

"Iruka-sensei, are you feeling all right?" Moegi spoke up, her voice laced with concern for the teacher.

"Yes, I'm fine." The chunin lied as he glanced at the clock on the wall. His eyes widened immediately. "Oh…it's late." He mumbled to himself. The timepiece proudly displayed 8:47 on its face. 'How long have I been ignoring them?' Iruka wondered, blushing slightly.

"Sensei, if you're gonna keep zoning out, why can't we go?" A certain honorable grandson whined. "This is boring!"

"I'm fine now, so quit asking!" Iruka said firmly, snapping back to attention. "Now, hand in the assignment from yesterday, class."

"I forgot to do that." Naruto's little prodigy said, grinning sheepishly.

The chunin mentally groaned as the merciless timepiece ever so slowly ticked away, creating a harsh reminder of how long his last day alive was going to be.

Several blocks away Mitarashi Anko sat at the table glaring at Orochimaru. Across the table from Anko, Orochimaru sat in his high chair, pouting in return.

"You're going to eat these whether you like them or not!" The jonin snarled, thrusting a spoonful of baby food at the infant.

The former Sannin retaliated by sticking his little nose in the air and smacking the food, which happened to be peas, away. Unfortunately for Anko, luck was not on her side, and the green goo landed in her face.

The jonin glared fiercely at him, but refrained from shoving the entire glass jar down his throat, as was her first instinct. Instead she stood up and grabbed a paper napkin from the counter.

"Why me?" She muttered as she cleaned her face. "I _hate_ you. And now I'm stuck living with you _and_ Iruka….somehow you've managed to further ruin my life you little prick."

Orochimaru simply stared at her, his expression unreadable.

"Am I ever going to be rid of you for good?" Anko snapped.

The infant locked eyes with her, and for a moment the jonin thought she saw a small flicker in them; perhaps of understanding, but perhaps it was merely the evil glint returning to his gaze. She tore her eyes away and grabbed a rag and held it under the faucet.

"Your face is a mess. It's all green, you little pig." The kunoichi said as she began to wipe the remains of Orochimaru's breakfast from him. He scrunched up his face in dislike and tried to pull away, but remained bound by his high chair. Refusing to admit defeat, even as a baby, he batted at her hand and whined.

"Shut up, I'm almost done!" The jonin growled. Upon completing her task, Anko give his now clean cheek a somewhat less then gentle pinch. "There! Happy now?"

The baby showed her his pouty scowl once again, and began to wiggle in the chair. The woman allowed him to struggle for a few minutes, mostly because it amused her.

Finally, realizing he wasn't getting out on his own, Orochimaru stretched his pudgy little arms out to his caretaker. "Maa! Mm….ma…mom, mom…. Mommy!" He whimpered.

Anko's eyes widened in shock. "Huh?" She asked dumbly, not sure if she heard him correctly. 'It almost sounded like he said…'

"Mommy! Mommy!" the baby continued to whine.

'That sounds like….he's calling me his…but he wouldn't…couldn't…' The bewildered ninja lifted the baby out of the high chair. "What did you say?" She demanded.

Of course, now that she asked, the baby said nothing. Instead he smiled brightly and gave her hair a good yank.

"Ow!" The jonin yelped and cursed. "Damn brat…" She muttered, and then stopped herself. In the back of her mind, she could almost hear Iruka's disapproving voice. '_He's learning to talk now! Don't teach him things like that!_'

"Speaking of Iruka, wait until he hears you."

Outside the apartment, two girls 'awwwed' in unison, then each clapped a hand over the other's mouth.

"Shh! Be quiet, Billboard Brow!" One hissed.

"Me? You're practically yelling, you pig!" The other retorted.

"Oh please! You're about to break the sound barrier!"

"If you don't shut up she's going to find us!" The pink-haired kunoichi snapped quietly, and then added, "You porker."

"Argh! I can't help it! He's too adorable for words!" Ino protested.

"THEN SHUT UP!" Sakura shot back, somehow managing to yell without raising her voice above a whisper.

The blonde obeyed, but glared daggers at her fellow spy. "Fine, but how are we supposed to help their relationship if they spend the entire day apart?"

"Good question." Sakura replied, and then fell silent as she pondered.

Several minutes went by, and the girls remained silent.

A few more minutes passed, and a passing squirrel threw an acorn at Ino's head.

Three more infuriatingly silent moments passed before the blonde lost all patience. "What are we waiting for? What's your plan?!"

"Huh? Plan? Isn't that what you were thinking about?" Sakura asked, surprised.

"No! You were supposed to think of a plan while I thought about Sasuke-kun!"

"Oh? What sort of plan?" A third voice inquired.

Both genin froze and slowly turned to face their discoverer.

"Tenten!" Ino said; the relief in her voice was quite obvious. Sakura sighed in equal relief.

"Um…what are you two doing in Anko-san's bushes?" The weapons-specialist asked, looking at the other two like they were crazy.

The spies exchanged glances.

"Well…you see…" Ino began. "It's a little complicated, but really sweet."

"Anko-san and Iruka-sensei are…." She looked around to make sure no eavesdroppers could hear, and lowered her voice. "They're in love." She whispered excitedly.

"Sort of." Ino corrected. "We think their relationship is a little rocky now, what with the baby and all."

"Baby?" Tenten repeated, hoping she had heard incorrectly.

"Yeah, they had a baby!" Sakura confirmed brightly. "He's the cutest thing you'll ever see!"

"He looks just like Anko-san." Ino agreed, grinning.

Tenten paused to take in what she had just heard. "So you're telling me…Iruka-sensei and _Mitarashi Anko_ had a _baby_? Together?" She asked slowly.

Both girls nodded happily. "So for the little angel's sake, we're going to save their relationship and make them fall even deeper in love!"

There was another pause from Tenten. "Riiiiight. Have fun with that." She said, and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Both spies exclaimed, grabbing the other kunoichi's arm.

"Now that you know, you have to help us!" Sakura insisted.

"Please?" The blonde added, hoping it would improve their odds.

"But I don't wan—" Tenten began, but was cut off.

"But it's for the baby! That's a good cause if I ever heard of one!" Ino begged.

"Do you want him to grow up having to live in two separate houses, having to divide holidays between parents, deal with tension in the family, and worse?!" Sakura cried, giving Tenten her puppy-dog eyes. 'Let's hope this works!' She thought.

The weapons-specialist sighed heavily, and hung her head in defeat. "Fine." She muttered. "But if you guys turn them into your next stalking targets, I'm out of here. Poor Sasuke has it bad enough. We don't need you spying on every ninja in the village."

"Okay, sure! Whatever you say!" The other two exclaimed, nodding their heads eagerly in unison.

'Why do I suddenly have a feeling that something's going to go horribly wrong?' Tenten wondered silently.

"Okay, meet us at the academy in half an hour, okay?" Sakura asked.

"For what?"

"Well, we're not going to watch Anko-san all day!" Ino answered. "We have to go spy on Iruka-sensei too. Who knows? Maybe we'll get some interesting information as to why their relationship is going downhill."

"But where are you guys going?" Tenten pressed.

The other girls, whom she had decided needed constant supervision, smiled sheepishly at her.

"Well, Sasuke-kun always trains around this time of day." The pink-haired kunoichi answered, blushing slightly.

"He's so amazing…" The blonde added. A slight pink tint dusted her face as well.

Tenten revised her opinion of them. 'They should be locked up somewhere.'

THE NINJA ACADEMY

One hour later, a certain brown-haired kunoichi sat beneath one of the Academy's many alone.

"They're late." She grumbled for what felt like the millionth time. "Why did I ever agree to help them? There are probably laws against this kind of thing."

"Tenten!" An irritatingly familiar voice exclaimed. The kunoichi glanced up to see her co-spies bouncing toward her gleefully. Far too gleefully for her current mood.

"Sorry we're late!" Ino apologized, though she hardly sounded sincere.

"What, did Sasuke-kun train longer than you thought?" The brunette asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, sorry about that!" Sakura answered, sounding every bit as apologetic as the blonde.

"Never mind that." Tenten sighed, rising to her feet. "What comes next? Or don't I want to know?"

Twin grins appeared on the other ninjas' faces. Tenten decided she definitely didn't like it when they smiled like that.

"Now we gather information from Iruka-sensei, of course!" Ino replied brightly.

"What's the plan?" The brunette inquired. Sweatdrops appeared on both instigators' heads.

"Um….good question." Sakura said sheepishly.

'Why did I ever agree to this?' The weapons-specialist wondered for what would be the first of many times. "All right, give me a minute." She said, sighing loudly. The kunoichi's brow furrowed slightly as she slowly formulated a plan.

"What are you thinking about?" Sakura asked after a moment of silence. Tenten's eyebrow twitched slightly.

"I'm trying to come up with the plan that you two were supposed to make half an hour ago." She replied in an unnervingly calm tone of voice.

"Oh…" The other girls mumbled in unison. Guilty expressions crossed both their faces, and they awkwardly hummed or twiddled their thumbs while the brunette did their job for them.

"All right, I've got it!" Tenten spoke up at last. "This plan should be foolproof." She paused a moment, thinking, 'Of course, these two could prove me wrong…'

"Great! What's the plan?" Ino inquired brightly.

The weapons-specialist paused to take a breath, and then began her explanation.

**To be continued…**

**Author's Notes:**

And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is my first attempt at a cliffie.

I'd like to apologize for taking so long with this chapter! Classes and finals were taking up a ton of time. Fortunately, I only have three classes this semester, so hopefully I'll be able to add chapters faster. Again, I'm sorry for not posting it sooner.


	5. How to Find Your Master

**Chapter 5: How to Find Your Master**

"So, what's the plan?" Sakura asked eagerly.

"It's simple." Tenten replied. "We'll keep an eye on both of them; watch them constantly. If we observe them long enough, we'll definitely find some useful information."

"But they're elite ninja! They'll notice us right away." Sakura protested.

"So it's really _not_ that simple." Ino piped up, frowning slightly.

Tenten smiled determinedly back, replying, "Sure it is. We just need a little help…."

* * *

Chaos ruled over the inhabitants of Orochimaru's mansion. Things had been going downhill ever since the Sannin's unexplained disappearance, and Kabuto, who had automatically taken charge, was beginning to understand why his master never seemed to be in a genuinely _good_ mood. After quite an effort, he managed to slip away from the petty arguments that seemed to eternally plague the Sound Five. The medic snuck into the only peaceful area, that area conveniently being Orochimaru's bedroom. He barely had time to sink into a large chair before a knock sounded at the heavy wooden door. Kabuto groaned and granted permission to enter. He was rather surprised to see Kimimaro poke his head in questioningly.

"Are you alone?' The medic asked suspiciously, narrowing his dark eyes.

"Uh, yes…." The younger man replied, rather confused by the strange question. He entered the room completely, silently closing the door behind him. "Kabuto-sensei, have you found anything out?"

The medic-nin shook his head tiredly as he reclined in the chair. "No, nothing new. He just disappeared on the mission."

"I knew we shouldn't have let him go alone." Kimimaro muttered, scowling accusingly at the other ninja.

"It was an unbelievably simple mission." Kabuto shot back. "I don't even know why he would go himself. Usually he just sends someone else. There are definitely more important things he could've attended to."

"And yet you didn't send anyone." The white-haired youth persisted. "This isn't like him at all."

The elder ninja sent a haughty smirk in the other's direction. "My, my, you sound worried, Kimimaro-kun."

A very light dusting of pink appeared across the teen's cheeks, and his scowl deepened. "I'm just worried about my master." He grumbled.

"Of course." Kabuto replied, his voice heavy with sarcasm. "Still, something needs to be done, particularly about those Four."

A bone began to make its way out of the younger man's shoulder.

"Not that kind of something, Kimimaro-kun." The bone disappeared beneath ivory skin, and its owner sighed in disappointment.

"So this is where Hinata lives, huh?" Sakura asked, looking at the extravagant homes in awe.

"They're…really big." Ino added, staring at a particularly large building.

"Mm, I guess so. Lee and I come here fairly often to get Neji, so I guess I'm used to it." Tenten replied. "Oh, the Main House is right here." She pointed to the left, leading the other girls up to the door. The weapons-specialist knocked firmly on the door, awaiting an answer. Mere seconds later, a young girl came to greet them.

"Can I help you?" Her tone was polite, but her expression was rather suspicious of the girls.

"Hello, Hanabi-chan." Tenten said kindly. "Is Hinata available?"

The young girl nodded, inviting them in as she ran to fetch her sister.

"H-hello." A shy voice came, startling the girls slightly.

"Oh, Hinata, hello!" Tenten greeted her, smiling. "How have you been?"

"I-I'm fine, and you?" She replied, her voice barely audible.

"Okay, okay, enough small talk!" Ino interrupted rudely. "Hinata, we need your help."

"M-my help?" The brunette repeated, rather startled by the blonde's outburst. "For what?"

By the time Ino and Sakura had finished filling her in, Hinata had come to the same conclusion as Tenten. These two were insane. "B-but why do you need _my_ help?"

"Because of your Byakugan." The elder girl said, taking over for the other two. "Your ability to see through walls would be extremely helpful."

"But if that's the case, well….it's just that…I would've expected you to ask Neji-nii-san first." The shy girl began fidgeting nervously.

"Well…to be honest…" Tenten replied. "Even if I asked, I'm pretty sure he would never agree to it."

The girls collectively sweatdropped. She had a point.

"I…I guess I could help…" Hinata consented. "For the baby's sake." Sakura and Ino cheered and flung their arms around the now petrified heiress. She politely removed herself from their hug. "But…don't you think someone would've noticed Anko-sensei was pregnant?"

The other girls froze; they hadn't thought of that. "Well, I remember not seeing her for a while," Sakura began to reply, "That wasn't that long ago."

"So, it's likely that she was on a long-term mission, then took maternity-leave." Tenten supplied, catching on to what the other kunoichi was saying.

"I-I guess it makes sense that she would try to hide it." Hinata agreed. "She and Iruka-sensei aren't married, right?"

Tenten nodded, affirming the other girl's assumptions. "That's right. And I suppose it's possible that she used a genjutsu to cover up the pregnancy while she was in the village."

"It all makes sense." Ino said, sighing in relief. "Now, Hinata, Tenten, you two just _have_ to see the baby!"

Sakura brightened, nodding eagerly at the chance to see the adorable baby again. "He's the cutest thing in the world!" Without another word, she and Ino dragged the other kunoichi away toward Anko's apartment.

* * *

"What do you three want?" Anko asked, scowling at the small collection of girls standing just outside her door.

"Can we see the baby?" Sakura begged. "He's so cute, we just had to show them!" She motioned toward Hinata and Tenten, who were now collectively dubbed 'them'.

The jonin narrowed her eyes in disgust. 'He has _fangirls_ now? I don't think his head could swell any more.' Despite her thoughts, she stepped aside, allowing the girls to enter. "He's on the couch."

Indeed, Orochimaru was on the couch, at least partly. The baby was beginning to slide off the piece of furniture, after which his cute face would've undoubtedly made a small indent in the floor, or perhaps vice versa. Sakura and Ino scrambled to grab him, reaching the former Sannin just in time. The blonde lifted him into her arms and presented him to the two brunettes.

"Isn't he just precious? You're just a little angel, aren't you?" She cooed as she hugged the small infant, whose eyes, unbeknownst to Ino, widened dangerously.

Three very silent seconds passed.

The room was instantly filled with the bloodcurdling shrieks of a protesting baby. All the women, save for Ino, who had the unfortunate chore of holding him, clapped their hands tightly over their ears in a futile attempt to block out the offending noise.

Ino desperately tried to calm him any way she could think of. However, any toys she handed him were thrust back violently at her face, and singing was drowned out by the earsplitting cries.

"What do I do?" The blonde cried to Anko, her tone anxious. Angered that he was not yet released, Orochimaru added to his screeches by flailing his arms and legs as best a baby could.

Anko quickly crossed the room and took him from Ino. "Shut the hell up you obnoxious brat!" The jonin growled angrily. She must have been quite convincing, because the baby fell completely silent the second he found himself back in 'Mommy's' arms. The tears quickly dried, and his angry expression transformed to a calm, docile one.

"I thought you said he was cute…" Tenten muttered, lowering her hands from her ears, and thanking every god she could think of for the silence.

"He is!" Sakura defended. "He's just a little fussy, that's all. He's _adorable_! Just look at him, he looks just like Anko-sensei." Everyone except Ino sent exasperated looks at her.

"Actually, I was just thinking that he doesn't look a thing like her." The weapons-specialist commented. "Come to think of it, he doesn't look like Iruka either."

Though she was relieved that someone finally got it, Anko began to realize what a precarious situation she was in. If the girls kept using logic and reason like that, it would jeopardize the mission.

"It's….a recessive gene." She lied. "He looks just like…my…" The jonin trailed off, searching for the right relative. "My father." She blurted out, immediately wishing she hadn't. Not only did Orochimaru not even closely resemble her parent, she felt as though she had just insulted him.

The girls, however, bought it easily. "I see," They reasoned. "That makes sense."

'Right.' Anko thought, relieved and disgusted at how gullible they were.

* * *

Kimimaro glared at the doornknob. He was standing outside the door of Orochimaru's chambers, and had been about to enter, only to find it securely locked. Sighing angrily, he voiced his presence.

"Kabuto-sensei, unlock the door."

His request was met with silence.

"I know you're hiding in there. Relax, I had a little 'talk' with the other Four, and they decided to keep it down."

'They're not the ones I'm trying to avoid.' The medic thought, trying to steer his mind away from what injuries Kimimaro's little 'talk' had resulted in.

Irritated at the lack of response, Kimimaro ejected a small, thin bone from his finger and inserted it into the doorknob. After a few seconds, the lock released, allowing the young man to enter.

"Nice to see you _again_, Kimimaro-kun." Kabuto said sarcastically. "But, you know, nothing much has changed since you last dropped by. It's been, what, twenty minutes?"

"That's not funny." The younger ninja scowled. "Who knows where Orochimaru-sama is? Why aren't you doing anything about it?"

"He's certainly capable of taking care of himself, Kimimaro-kun." The medic pointed out.

Frustrated, Kimimaro sent a large, and particularly sharp bone out of his palm. "Regardless, we both know something went wrong. Now, I'd be very grateful if you'd _do something about it_." He emphasized his point by pressing the bone knife against his sensei's neck.

Kabuto sent a glare in the young man's direction as he leaned away from the deadly weapon.

"Fine. If you're so concerned, however, then why don't you accompany the other Four on this little mission?"

The bone disappeared, and a smirk crossed its owner's handsome face. "Gladly." He disappeared, most likely to round up the rest of the Sound Five, leaving Kabuto in temporary peace.

The medic sighed in irritation as the door closed. "Next time, I'm shoving a chair under the knob."

**

* * *

**

"So basically it's a wild goose chase." Kidomaru said in a disapproving tone. Kimimaro, having finished his explanation of their mission, scowled.

"No. It's an act of loyalty." He replied curtly. "Orochimaru-sama should've been back by now. Something must have gone wrong on his mission. It's up to us to help him any way we can."

"We don't even know where the hell he was going!" Tayuya spat angrily. "How do you expect us to find him?!"

Kimimaro fixed a glare on the kunoichi, effectively freezing her in her place. "We search." His tone left no room for argument. "We'll leave in an hour, so go gather any supplies you'll need. If you're late, you're dead."

Not daring to disobey, the other four ninja reluctantly sped off toward their individual quarters to prepare.

Exactly fifty-nine minutes later, four of the Five stood before Kimimaro, packed, scowling, and ready to leave. Their leader gave a slight nod, and wordlessly set out, closely followed by his peers.

"Do you at least have any hint of where he was going?" Sakon inquired as they swiftly moved through the dense forest surrounding the hideout.

"No, so I expect you all to take this seriously." Kimimaro snapped back.

"Would you fucking relax?!" Tayuya muttered. "Orochimaru-sama is damn well old enough to take care of himself." The girl received another icy glare, which she returned, but with less potency. Nonetheless, she kept her comments to herself.

"We'll start nearby and work our way outward." The white-haired teen instructed.

"Are you suggesting that we split up?" Jirobou asked in surprise, earning a slight shake of the other's head.

"No. It may be faster that way, but if there's a threat out there that even Orochimaru-sama is having trouble with, then we have no chance individually." Kimimaro replied wisely. "Now, let's go!" He commanded, springing into action.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

I'm so sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! I got a new job recently, and that's been keeping me quite busy. I'd better hurry up with the next chapter, or else you'll all stop reading:(

Thank you to all my reviewers! You guys are spiffy! And now, I have a request of all of you. I've been suffering from writer's block lately, so if any of you have advice or ideas, any at all, they'd be much appreciated. Insipiration is hard to come by lately. So, please review, and I'll do my best to get the next chapter up much quicker. Thank you!

Chibi


	6. How to Lead a Rescue Mission

**Chapter 6: How to Lead a Rescue Mission**

* * *

Silence.

Pure, simple, precious silence.

It was something Kabuto would never take for granted again. Something he was enjoying immensely, now that the chief suppliers of his trouble had run off on some half-assed rescue mission.

The medic returned yet again to his Master's bedchamber, a place that had become something like a private getaway for him. After locking the door and placing a nearby chair under the door—a habit he had picked up in Orochimaru's absence—the doctor allowed himself to fall back onto the soft bed. Tiredly, he buried his face in one of the many large pillows that was spread across the bed.

Kabuto inhaled deeply, taking in the hint of his master's scent that still lingered on the pillow. He found it strangely comforting, especially in the midst of all the trouble plaguing Otogakure.

The peace didn't last, however, and an unimportant underling pounded on the door requesting medical attention. The silver-haired nin's eyes narrowed dangerously. It had been _such_ a nice moment.

Seconds later, the underling lay dead in a pool of blood outside Orochimaru's private chamber.

* * *

Anko scowled at the four young kunoichi. 

Four young kunoichi sent back mixed expressions ranging from fearful to annoyed.

Orochimaru discovered he had the fascinating ability to blow little spit bubbles.

"Why are you still here?"

Ino rolled her eyes. "Senseiii, we came to see the baby! Can we play with him a little longer?"

A vein appeared on the jonin's forehead. "You actually want to play with him after that?"

This time, it was Hinata who spoke up. "M-maybe he just needs a chance to get to know us better. If we play with him, maybe he'll warm up to us…"

"Yeah! Let us play with him! Please?" Sakura begged.

"Yeah, let them play with him." A male voice agreed. All the kunoichi whipped their heads around, startled by the new arrival.

A smirk appeared on the former Sannin's face.

* * *

What a terrible nuisance. Things were quite out of order in Kimimaro's medical room. Kabuto sighed in irritation as he began to tidy up the teen's living space. 

"Next time he leaves a mess like this, there'll be hell to pay." The doctor muttered as he folded a discarded pair of pants. "I'm not his mother." He carelessly arranged several items into a neater pile of junk on Kimimaro's nightstand. As he did so, Kabuto accidentally knocked a small glass bottle onto the stone floor.

Dread hit him like a train.

'Those better not be what I think they are…' He thought as he bent down to pick the bottle up. One glance at it told him all he needed to know. The medic groaned and stuffed the small item in his weapons pouch as he sped out of the room.

In his haste, Kimimaro had failed to take his medicine along.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Anko snapped accusingly at the man in the doorway. 

"I live here, Anko-san. And if it's alright with you, I thought I might stop by on my lunch break to see how things are going." Iruka replied, his tone seeming rather tired. The chunin turned his attention to his former students, whom he greeted pleasantly as always.

"What are you four up to?" The teacher asked kindly.

"We came to see the baby, of course!" Ino replied brightly. "He's just the cutest little thing in the world!" She pinched Orochimaru's cheek gently, and he retaliated by ramming his little fist squarely into her nose, then cuddling closer to Anko and glaring.

Ino yelped, more in surprise than pain, and clamped her hands over her nose.

The jonin tried to keep her snickering to a minimum.

"Well, Anko-san, since they're here, why not let them baby-sit for a while? Iruka suggested. "I'm sure you could use a break."

The eldest kunoichi couldn't argue with his logic. Every night since he was transformed, the baby would wake up at all hours, crying. Dark circles had formed under her eyes, and she was terribly exhausted from the constant care she had to provide.

"I suppose that's not such a bad idea." She sighed, stepping over to Hinata. "You're probably the only one he won't try to murder." Anko reasoned as she thrust the infant into the shy girl's arms.

All the women held their breath, waiting for the impending screech. Orochimaru frowned, and squirmed a bit. Hinata just held him firmly in place, bracing herself for any impact. A few small whimpers came from the baby, and Sakura held her hands over her ears, just in case. The baby inhaled deeply, and everyone but Iruka, who was a bit clueless at the moment, followed Sakura's example. However, Orochimaru simply let out a large yawn, and fidgeted with the zipper of Hinata's jacket boredly. Anko's pendant was _so_ much more interesting to play with.

The heiress released a huge sigh of relief, along with the other women. Ino let out a jealous little huff and pouted, but said nothing.

"Did I miss something?" Iruka asked, looking curiously at the signs of absolute relief on the others' faces.

"A lot, Sensei." Sakura replied matter-of-factly.

"He doesn't seem to be very fond of Ino." Tenten agreed, earning a glare from the blonde.

"Maybe he just hates stupid people." Anko muttered, not quite loud enough for the others to hear. "Well, now that you two are acquainted, get him out of my sight for a few hours." She ordered, digging in her pocket and handing Tenten a few bills. "Here, take this in case he gets expensive."

"They'll need his diaper bag, too." Iruka reminded them, disappearing into another room for a moment, then returning with the item. Sakura, wanting some involvement in the baby's care, immediately took the bag from her former teacher, smiling brightly.

"Thanks for taking him, girls." The schoolteacher said gratefully as the young kunoichi left the apartment. "If there are any problems, you can just bring him back."

Anko decided it was probably best not to voice any alternate suggestions.

* * *

"What's wrong with you?" Sakon called to Kimimaro questioningly. They had been running for quite a while, and their leader's health seemed to be getting progressively worse. 

"I'm…fine." The other boy snapped back, sending a glare in the twins' direction. Despite the reply, it was clear that Kimimaro was fatigued, and weakening.

"No, let's stop." Kidomaru disagreed, slowing his pace as the others followed his example. "You're our leader; you're useless to us if you're too sick to fight. Tayuya, get his pills."

A rather colorful reply followed, but the kunoichi obeyed nonetheless. Without a bit of hesitation, she plunged her hand into Kimimaro's supply pouch and dug around for the bottle. After several minutes of feeling around, the girl had only succeeded in accidentally groping her superior.

"It's not fucking there!" She complained, removing her hand from the pouch. "All I can feel are his damn weapons."

"And something else." Sakon snickered, earning paralyzingly cold glares from two certain team members.

"You _did_ pack them, didn't you?" The spider-nin asked, preparing for the worst. "She just can't find them, right?"

Sighing in irritation at their delay, Kimimaro removed the pouch from his waist and rummaged through it briefly. He became noticeably paler, something his teammates hadn't thought possible.

"Don't fucking tell me…you forgot the god damn things, didn't you, you idiot?!" Tayuya snapped.

"I don't need them." The elite ninja said calmly as he reattached the pouch. "Now move, we're wasting time."

Though they disagreed, not a single member of the Sound Five was foolish enough to contradict their leader when he was on a mission such as this.

"Can we take a break when we get to Konoha, though?" Jirobou asked hopefully. Without turning to look back at him, Kimimaro nodded wordlessly. Not wanting to waste any more precious time, he set off with the other four in tow.

* * *

A loud squeal of pain and surprise rang through the main street of Konoha. Three pairs of eyes coupled with startled expressions were turned on Hinata, who blushed deeply. 

"H-he…he _bit_ me..!" She mumbled in explanation, holding the baby at arm's length.

"Don't be silly, Hinata." Ino scolded. "I don't think he even has teeth yet."

"I, I know…so it felt really strange…I think some are growing in, though." The heiress defended weakly. Tenten stepped closer and turned the infant around in Hinata's arms. She peered closely at him, and Orochimaru stared apprehensively back at her.

Without warning, she squeezed lightly on either side of the snake-nin's jaw, gently forcing his mouth open. Sure enough, there were two very small fangs growing in.

"You know…." The weapons-specialist said, frowning slightly, "sometimes he almost reminds me of a snake."

Her assessment was met with a fan girlish sort of disapproval.

"He is _not_ a snake! He's nothing like one!" Sakura snapped. "That's a terrible thing to say, Tenten!"

"Yeah!" Ino exclaimed, joining in. "Next thing we know, you'll be comparing him to Orochimaru!"

Tenten rolled her eyes, knowing it would be utterly pointless to argue.

"U-um…maybe we should get him something else to chew on…" Hinata suggested, her soft voice sounding rather pained. The other girls looked over at her, only to find that Orochimaru was again biting the heiress. They all nodded in silent agreement and made their way toward the nearest shop.

* * *

The forest passed by in a green blur as Kabuto sped on, carefully following the Sound Four's trail. They weren't making it easy, either. The medic had to give them credit; they seemed to be taking this mission far more seriously than they had others. Of course, with Kimimaro in such a foul mood, who wouldn't? 

Kimimaro…..

The silver-haired man began to wonder how much longer his patient could last without medication, and subconsciously increased his speed. With a little luck, he would catch up to them by evening.

The ninja prayed that luck would hold out. If it failed him, and Kimimaro died, it would cost him his life.

* * *

**Authoress's Notes:**

Thank you sooo much to everyone who reviewed! Your advice was really helpful. Of course, I'd always love to hear more, if you have any. I'm glad people have continued reading even though I've taken quite a bit of time updating lately.

Okay, enough of my rambling. Just go click that little review button and give me some feedback, ok:3


	7. How to Slow Down a Mission

**Chapter 7: ****How to Slow Down a Mission**

* * *

The once peaceful, serene silence of the forest was shattered by a harsh, labored breathing. Four pairs of eyes exchanged nervous glances. Not a single member of the Sound Four wanted to be the one to tell Kimimaro to give up his desperate search and rest a while.

The Dream Container was plainly exhausted. His face, though it would seem impossible, had become even paler. What had begun as mere shortness of breath was now poorly disguised gasps for air.

Kidomaru slowed his pace a bit, signaling with a slight jerk of his head for the others to do the same. When there was enough of a distance between their leader and the other three, he spoke.

"Somebody should stop him. He'll die if this goes on."

"Yes, but if he dies, he won't be ordering us around and acting like the ruler of the world." Jirobou countered. An unpleasant gleam came into his small, cruel eyes.

"Idiot!" Tayuya hissed angrily. "If he dies, who the hell do you think Orochimaru-sama will blame for it? Kimimaro's death spells the end for us, too!"

"She's right." Sakon muttered, his tone sounding rather disappointed. "Someone should stop him."

"Why don't you?" Kidomaru suggested with a scowl. "Go do it yourself."

"No way in hell am I going to do that!" Sakon spat back. "He'll kill me for even suggesting it. Tayuya, you do it. Your death might be less painful."

"Fuck no."

Their argument was abruptly brought to an end as Kimimaro's weakened body finally gave out, and he fell limply onto a large branch several feet below.

A variety of rather vulgar exclamations once again punctured the forest's peace as the Four scrambled down to check on their fallen leader. They crowded around his body, hoping for some small life sign.

Sakon knelt down beside the other boy and gingerly pressed two fingers to his wrist .

"Well….." He piped up after a rather long silence, "At least he has a pulse. That's _one_ good thing…"

The other three let out simultaneous sighs of relief. However, relaxing was not a luxury they allowed themselves. Just because Kimimaro was still clinging to life did not mean he would continue to do so for much longer.

"He's not going to last long without medication." Kidomaru said, stating the obvious. "If we can find a halfway decent shelter, one of us could go back for the pills while the others keep him alive."

"By the time you fools got back to the village, Kimimaro-kun would be dead."

The four teenagers jerked their heads around to the origin of what they recognized as Kabuto's voice. Scowling, the medic leapt down gracefully from a higher branch. Though he would never admit it, his already racing heart nearly stopped when he saw the Four crowded around what he had assumed to be Kimimaro's corpse.

Kabuto shoved Jirobou and Tayuya aside, making room to work, and earning an angry remark from the latter. He knelt down as he dug the small bottle of pills out from his supply pouch. After unscrewing the lid and removing two, he barked an order to any of the others to prop his patient up. Kidomaru ended up as the unwilling assistant, and hesitantly lifted his leader's head and shoulders from the ground, moving him into a near-sitting position. Kabuto then lightly squeezed Kimimaro's jaw between his thumb and index finger, forcing it open and placing the pills in his mouth. Though unconscious, the teen swallowed, as if by reflex.

"Go ahead and lay him back down." Kabuto ordered the other ninja as he formed the seals for a healing jutsu. The familiar, green glow appeared around his hands, and he placed them lightly upon various parts of Kimimaro's body. Though he was unable to actually heal the other ninja, and such techniques were completely useless in the grand scheme of things, it _did_ help lessen the discomfort temporarily.

Kimimaro's face softened a bit. His look of pain melted into one of mere mild discomfort.

His five caretakers all let out breaths they hadn't realized they were holding. Though none cared much about him as a person, they valued his life because they valued their own.

* * *

"Awwww, he would look so cute in this!" Sakura squealed, holding up a pajama set.

"_Sakura_!" Tenten said in exasperation. "For the last time, we're not here to expand his wardrobe!"

"Y-yeah…he needs a chew toy…" Hinata agreed, wincing as Orochimaru bit down on her shoulder.

"Hinata! When it's for a baby, they call it a _teether_." Ino corrected, frowning in disapproval. "Chew toys are for animals."

"And he's not an animal!" Sakura snapped, glaring pointedly at Tenten, who sighed irritably for what would not be the last time. The pink-haired girl's expression softened to one of adoration of the baby as she added, "He's a widdle angel!"

Hinata, who was now fairly sure she was bleeding, had to disagree. Still, for the sake of her sanity and Tenten's, the heiress said nothing.

The weapons-specialist noticed her distress, and made an offer Hinata wouldn't dream of refusing. "Want me to take him for a while? You look like you could use a break."

The heiress brightened instantly and nodded. Slowly and carefully, Tenten began to lift Orochimaru away from her. The silence was quickly shattered, however, when he realized what was happening. A loud shriek erupted from his tiny lungs, and Tenten thrust him back into Hinata's arms. As if by magic, he closed his mouth immediately, satisfying himself by merely pouting.

"Uh, sorry, but….it looks like you're stuck with him for a while."

* * *

A wide grin spead across Anko's face as she sprawled across the couch. She sighed happily, saying, "There's nothing better right now than peace and quiet. I've _earned_ this." The jonin looked over at her roommate. "You know, Iruka-san, I don't know how you can stand teaching. One is bad enough. How can you handle twenty little brats in one room at the same time?"

"Well, it can be trying at times," The chunin replied thoughtfully, sitting down in the chair across from her, "but I love my job. And even if they're frustrating at times, I'm proud to know I'm training up the next generation of heroes. Besides," he added with a grin as he plucked a book off the end table next to him, "You just can't help but like them."

"Yes I can." Anko disagreed flatly. "Though that brat is probably ten times worse than any of your students." Though she would never admit it, the jonin was still bitter about what had happened to her jacket in the store. The kunoichi shook her head and flung an arm over her face lazily. "You have unbelievable patience………..wanna keep that baby?" She grinned at him hopefully, but her smile turned to a petulant scowl once more as the teacher promptly turned her down.

"Not a chance. He's your responsibility, Anko-san. I'm just here to keep you from killing him." Without further argument, the chunin turned his attention to the book in his hands.

"Good luck." Anko muttered, her mood sinking once more. Of all the people he could've been forced on, of all the other ninja in the village, _she_ was the one bearing this burden. There were plenty of happy, oblivious couples that would've been overjoyed at the thought of caring for a 'poor, innocent orphan'.

'He _has_ to have some plan for all of this.' The kunoichi thought, as her mind turned to their leader. 'Lord Hokage knows how infuriating it is to even think of that bastard…he wouldn't have forced Orochimaru on me without reason….would he?' She shook her head vigorously, startling Iruka, who sent a curious look her way.

'No.' She thought firmly, her expression subconsciously changing to match her inner thoughts. 'Lord Hokage is a loyal, kind leader. He would _never_ give anyone such a burden without having a damn good reason for it.'

"You know…you're pretty entertaining to watch."

Iruka's voice startled Anko out of her thoughts. She looked over to see that he had long since abandoned reading, and was plainly—and poorly—trying to hold back his laughter.

"Really. You make some pretty interesting faces when you're thinking." He chuckled. The chunin, distracted by his own amusement, did not manage to dodge—much less notice—the couch cushion sailing toward him.

It hit him squarely in the face, effectively cutting off his laughter. His shocked and startled expression was every bit as satisfying as Anko hoped it would be, and she smiled smugly at him.

The cushion was sent flying back at her, but she dodged easily—only to get hit with a small pillow that had been sitting decoratively on Iruka's chair. The chunin grinned triumphantly.

The kunoichi was incredibly competitive, and the thought of starting a small war in the apartment was quite appealing. However, her maturity won out against the pillow-fight idea, and she raised her hands in surrender.

"All right, all right, truce!" She grinned, earning a cheerful smile from the chunin, who agreed.

* * *

"We'll rest here for now." Kabuto informed the others, taking charge at once. "I don't want to risk moving him, and I doubt you do either."

Truthfully, if they thought they could get away with it unharmed, each member of the Sound Four would've moved Kimimaro around until he died.

"Kidomaro, I want you to set up a warning system for us in case anyone is traveling this way. It should be easy; just use your webs." The medic began barking out orders. "Jirobou, focus on making some sort of shelter for Kimimaro-kun. Sakon, give me whatever bedding you all packed. My patient needs it more. And Tayuya, don't give me that look."

The kunoichi, who had been glaring daggers at him, muttered something inaudible, but surely quite rude, under her breath as her peers set to work on their new duties. Within half an hour, a network of webs surrounded them. Kimimaro was buried in a few thin blankets, and lay next to a bonfire Tayuya had started for him. Though she had insisted it was 'just to keep him warm', the flames were uncomfortably close to her leader.

The sky was already rapidly darkening and the temperature falling as the ninja gathered around the fire.

"That was too close." Kidomaro piped up after a long silence.

"No shit, dumbass. But it's his own fault for being so fucking stubborn." Tayuya chimed in.

"Just put him in his place. Don't let him forget that if he dies, he's useless to Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto said simply. The Four stared at him in surprise, as if he had just divulged the greatest secret of the earth.

"He doesn't listen to us…" Jirobou attempted weakly.

"Idiot!" Kabuto snapped, shaking his head in disgust. "This is _Kimimaro-kun_ we're talking about. He knows the importance of his life to Orochimaru-sama. He's stubborn, not stupid. Now, all of you shut up and go to sleep." The medic scooted away from the crackling fire and curled up on the ground facing away from the others.

The four ninja glared at their superior with an intensity that could rival the sun, but reluctantly obeyed nonetheless.

* * *

Late in the night, the Dream Container shifted in his sleep and brushed against the rough bark of a tree. Sleepy green eyes blinked open slowly as the ninja tried to sit up. His head felt heavy and his body weak, but he was vaguely aware of the situation. As he looked around, things clicked into place, and he quickly grasped what had happened. Ignoring his body's protests, Kimimaro struggled slowly to his feet. Being careful not to alert the others, he silently crept away from the campsite, driven solely by the thought of his master.

To be continued...

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I'm obviously not Masashi Kishimoto, and I don't own Naruto. 

**Author's Notes:** Once again, I'm sorry it took so long. The chapter is a bit shorter than I intended, too. But...review anyway, ok:)

I'm currently looking for someone to proofread chapters for me (I believe they're called betas?), as the person who has been doing it is getting too busy. If anyone's interested, let me know!


	8. How to Deal With Awkward Situations

**Dislcaimer**: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Orochimaru would rule their world.

**Author's Notes**: I want to apologize for how long it's taken me to get this chapter done. There were some problems with my computer, and in the end, I lost a lot of documents, including the entire fanfic. I hope you'll keep reading, and forgive me for the huge delay!

* * *

**Chapter 8:** How to Deal With Awkward Situations

Tayuya had always liked to claim she was heartless, so when the heart she supposedly didn't have nearly stopped the next morning she kept it to herself. There wasn't a trace of Kimimaro anywhere in the campsite. Silently, she crept over to where he'd been sleeping. Clearly, he had been gone for some time now.

The girl swore quietly and sprang up to the branch of a tree to get a better view.

"That bastard…." She hissed. "He did a damn good job of covering his tracks." Not quite good enough, however. She spotted a faint sign of his passing a few yards ahead, and darted after it

As the trail went on, it became easier to follow. Tayuya credited it to the fact that he was probably growing weak again. A body could only be pushed so far past it's limits.

* * *

"C'mon, it's not that big a deal! Don't get so nervous." Anko smirked playfully.

"A-Anko-san! I don't feel very comfortable about this…" Iruka protested, trying to squirm away.

"Chill out. You're not going anywhere." The jonin purred. "Not until I get what I want from you." She had a tight grip on the teacher's wrists, preventing him from escaping.

"_Anko-san_!"

"You're getting pretty excited over this. Is it that important to you?"

"Yes, if you must know!" Iruka snapped. He knew he was blushing, and it made him feel even more uncomfortable about the entire situation.

"Oh, but you can trust me." Anko said sweetly. "It'll be our little secret!"

"No means no." The chunin answered firmly. "Now let me go!"

Outside the door of the apartment, four kunoichi were scarred for life.

"So….is _this_ what they've been doing while we were gone?" Ino asked in disbelief.

"M-maybe we should stop them….Anko-san sounds l-like she's…um….v-violating Iruka-sensei in there!" Hinata whispered. She had covered Orochimaru's ears a few mintues ago, not that he would understand anything anyway.

"I thought he would've been able to defend himself, but…….nothing else makes sense..!" Sakura agreed, blushing terribly.

"Okay…..on the count of three…." Ino said, placing her hand on the doorknob. "One……two…._three_!"

"God, Iruka, just tell me how you got your scar—" Anko was cut off suddenly when the door slammed open and the girls burst in.

"What do you think you're doing to Iruka-sensei?!" Sakura screeched, startling both adults.

"Sakura!" Iruka said, shocked. "What are you talking about? What are you four doing..?!"

"And this is why I wish you guys would just cool it and think things through _before_ barging in." TenTen sighed.

"C'mon! You heard what it sounded like!" Ino snapped, embarrassed.

"But obviously it _wasn't_ what it sounded like." The brunette shot back.

"What did you _think_ it was?" Anko asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing. It was a mistake. I'm sorry for their behavior." Tenten apologized.

"It's alright. But in the future…just knock, okay?" Iruka sighed.

* * *

"Konoha……is that where he is…?" Kimimaro said softly. Every now and again he felt small traces of his master's chakra coming from the village. His condition forced him to stop briefly. No matter how badly he wanted to continue searching, if he didn't stop to catch his breath, he would probably die.

He was not, however, expecting any kunai to fly past his head. He automatically dodged, and whirled around to see his attacker.

"You fucking idiot!" Tayuya growled. "What the hell were you thinking?! Do you realize you could've _died_?!"

"Oh? Are you that worried about me?" The young man asked, smirking slightly.

The kunoichi blinked for a moment, completely caught off-guard by his comment.

"Of course not, you dumb shit!" She yelled. "I couldn't' care less about you! But if you die, Orochimaru-sama won't let us live either. I'm doing this for my _own_ good!"

"Of course." Kimimaro smirked, but let the subject drop. "I can sense him in the village."

"Orochimaru-sama? But why wouldn't he have come back when he planned?"

"I'm not sure, but his chakra is very faint…" The male said, frowning. "Something doesn't seem right…."

"You're the leader. How do you want to handle this?" Tayuya asked, scowling at him.

Kimimaro fell silent for a moment, thinking over their options. The _best_ choice was probably to go get the others first. However…

"You and I are going to search the city. But be careful. If you get injured, we'll lose any hope of finding him. And trust me, Tayuya. You _don't_ want that to happen." He gave her an icy glare, making it very obvious what would happen if she wasn't careful.

"I got it. Get off my back." Tayuya snapped. "Let's go already."

* * *

"I didn't think they would ever leave." Anko sighed as she sat down on the couch.

"They're a lot better with kids than I expected." Iruka agreed. "But…maybe a little too helpful." It had taken the two upper-level ninja (and TenTen) over an hour to get the girls to leave. Now Orochimaru was fast asleep in his crib, and the adults were taking advantage of the extra moments of peace.

"It's strange, don't you think?" Iruka commented, looking thoughtful.

"What's strange?" Anko asked, feigning interest.

"That it's so peaceful."

"Well, the girls probably wore that brat out. He's probably tired." The jonin shrugged.

"No, Anko-san, I mean the village. We have one of the strongest criminals of the shinobi world in our care. The rest of the world probably thinks he vanished. Especially his followers. Why hasn't there been any movement yet? You would think they'd be searching for him…"

Anko sat up slowly. Iruka had brought up a good point.

"I'm not sure. Lord Hokage would've told us right away if his followers were looking for him anywhere near the village."

"And I'm sure they'd come here eventually." Iruka continued. "So why haven't we seen anyone yet? I don't' like this…"

* * *

"I can't believe those idiots.." Kabuto growled, glaring at the empty spots Tayuya and Kimimaro should have been in.

The other three ninja stayed quiet and out of his way. None of them wanted to be on the receiving end of his wrath.

"Pack up and get moving." The medic ordered sharply. "We have to find Kimimaro-kun. That's the top priority right now. Got it?" He turned to glare at them.

"Got it." Kidomaru frowned.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Wow…short chapter. Sorry everybody! After losing the whole fanfic, and the huge delay, I was really close to just never finishing up. But then..people kept asking me to. And I felt kind of bad just leaving it, so I typed up this chapter. I guess it's sort of just a reminder that I'm still alive and typing over here. - And I'm not letting the story die yet. Please forgive the huge delay, and review!


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